


Time to Say Sorry

by engel82



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Deathfic, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-29
Updated: 2012-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-30 07:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/engel82/pseuds/engel82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can't take his eyes off of Nick's chest...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time to Say Sorry

He can’t take his eyes off of Nick’s chest.

For all the time he spent laid against it, he never paid so much attention to it, to the way it goes up before Nick exhales.

Except Nick’s not the one exhaling right now. The machine he’s plugged to is.

He can’t take his eyes off of Nick’s chest.

It’s like memories he didn’t know he had are paralyzing him. The way Nick would laugh and roll over him, pinning him under his body, teasing him; that breath just before he’d lean in and kiss him.

The subtle and lingering touch when they were working the same case, the stolen smiles – God, the way Nick smiled when no one else was looking.

Sara’s hand on his arm startles him. “He’s not here anymore, Greg.”

She’s not the first one to tell him.

“Go away.” He doesn’t have the strength to say anything else. He doesn’t have the strength to deal with anyone. He needs to be alone.

“Greg...”

He escapes her touch and waits. He listens to her steps as she leaves and focuses on Nick again. He knows she's right. He’s known it before they did; he felt it the moment the doctors had let him see Nick after the surgery.

He’s stuck in a nightmare and doesn’t want to wake up.

He walks closer to the bed, strangely aware of every step, and takes Nick’s hand. He brings it to his lips. It’s warm against his skin; everything feels surreal.

He’s breathing at Nick’s rhythm, slow and steady even though his chest is burning, clutching Nick’s hand, hanging on to what’s left of life in Nick’s body.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.

Words don’t come out. They never do. So many things are left unsaid.

He’s not sure how much time passes before the doctor softly knocks on the door. Never letting Nick out of his sights, he nods slowly.

Everything fades around him, everything but Nick. There’s nothing but Nick.

He can’t take his eyes off of Nick’s chest. He stops breathing with him when they turn off the machine.

It sneaks up on him. The pain. The realness of it. It hits him with a force that brings him to his knees by Nick’s bed.

“I’m sorry.” He can’t breathe. It’s like he’s forgotten how to. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

He pushes himself up and climbs in the bed, next to Nick. He rests his hand over Nick’s chest, tentatively, breaking into pieces knowing there’s nothing left to expect. His fist curls into Nick’s white shirt, tears running down his cheeks.

He can’t take his eyes off of Nick’s chest.

All the things he was afraid of seem so futile now. They hid while everyone knew. They lied to each other’s face, they pretended this wasn’t what they had been looking for. Everything they thought they had to lose, they don’t compare to this loss. They don’t compare to this hole inside of him.

He feels his own chest rise up and down, pushing against Nick, and he closes his eyes.


End file.
